Back to School

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Kids have stress too, especially at back-to-school time, and as a parent you can help.

That is according to Dr. Ester Cole, a child, family and youth psychologist who is also on the board of trustees for the Psychology Foundation of Canada based in midtown Toronto.

There is no better time to practise some of these strategies than in the fall when children are going back to school and in the case of some university-aged children, going away to school.

Here are some simple, yet important strategies parents can use to help:

Start preparing your kids for school at least a week before.

* Shop for clothes and back-to-school supplies that are needed.

* Practise the route to school so children know how to get there safely. If possible, meet the teachers and visit the school with your children before the bell rings so they know their way around and feel more comfortable.

* Have your kids get back into their school-time schedule, including a regular sleeping routine and morning and evening rituals such as making lunch or setting clothes out the night before.

* If possible, in a fun way, have your kids review some of their school material before school starts (multiplication tables) to get them thinking and reading again and to help them remember what they covered last year.

* Review with your child the daily routine that he will follow. For example, "You will get up at 7 a.m. Your first class will be math. I will pick you up from school at the front step at 3:30 p.m." so children know what to expect. You might even want to write out the schedule of daily activities as a fun exercise to do together.

* Arrange fun "play dates" with neighborhood children who go to your child's school so they can develop some friends and a support system before and after school starts.

* Prepare a "must know" list for the school and teacher. The list will provide important information for the teacher, school office or daycare staff such as allergies, illnesses, physical limitations or any necessary accommodations that might need to be made, such as the best seating arrangement for your child in the classroom.

* Remind your kids you are there for them at all times. Send a little note with your child in his lunch box or give them a small object from home to comfort them if they are feeling anxious when at school. Show your children every day that you love them by giving them a hug or telling them how much you care. Congratulate them on milestones they reach, no matter how small. Remember to tell your child that it is OK to make mistakes - school is all about learning and improving each day.

* Listen carefully and respectfully to your children when they talk and watch for signs of stress - both before school starts and several weeks after school begins. The signs of stress are not always obvious. Don't forget to ask your kids if they have any concerns or worries about the new school year, then follow up on their concerns and provide information, reassurance and problem-solving help as needed.

* If you think your child may be dealing with stress that seems more serious than usual, like a learning disability, ADHD or severe anxiety, consider seeking some additional information or professional help from your family doctor.

* Be careful not to overload your child with too many competitive activities outside of school. Sometimes the best cure for stress is just to have some quiet time or to have them be involved in a variety of non-competitive activities in the community. Kids also need some time on their own. Listening to music, playing with a pet, reading or playing quietly may help them feel better. Doing nothing is fine too.

* Maintain an optimistic outlook yourself. Be positive and help make school fun. Don't complain about a teacher or the school in front of your children. Watch also that your own stress at this time of year does not negatively affect your children - they will pick up on your reactions and this can create even more anxiety for them.

Other tips:

* It's important to encourage children by strengthening their coping skills and resilience before the school year starts. You can't ignore it but you also can't promise "everything is going to be OK".

* For the child who is less communicative, they may exhibit some behaviours that are signs they are feeling back-to-school stress. This could include acting distracted, complaining of feeling physically unwell and having disruptive sleep. Children may become more clingy and interact less spontaneously with others.

* If your kids are asking the same questions again and again, it's not because they didn't hear you the first 10 times, it means they are looking for reassurance. Be patient if your child exhibits this behaviour.

* Let your kids know they are not alone. They need to know you are there for them and that anything can be tackled together as a family.

* Remind your kids of the positives of going back to school, for example, a new grade, new and old friends and new experiences.

* Not all kids will experience back-to-school stress. Some kids only see the positive possibilities in the reconnection with their peer group, with their teacher and a learning environment.

* Don't be late on the first day. Don't rush your child. Prepare whatever they will wear or need to take to school the night before. A good first day may pave the path for other great days - all this helps to ease the transition.