But Seriously

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It's no secret the Toronto Maple Leafs have coveted Brian Burke since showing former general manager John Ferguson Jr. the door last January and hiring Cliff Fletcher as interim GM soon after.

It's also no secret NHL bylaws prevented the Leafs from making any contact with Burke while he was still under contract to the Anaheim Ducks.

Last Friday, the Ducks let Burke go and I've been tracking the Leafs' much anticipated courtship ever since. Sunday night I hit the jackpot when I hooked up with Deep Dish, a highly placed source inside the organization. (He got that moniker because of his predilection for meeting only in Pizza Hut restaurants.) We met in the franchise at Yonge and Roxborough and he immediately spilled the beans. After he cleaned up the beans, we spoke.

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "So, out with it man, what's going on with you know who?"

DEEP DISH: "Nice try, Jamie. You know I can't tell you that. We have a confidentiality agreement in place. If I let the cat out of the bag, next thing you know it'll be in all the papers."

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "But I write a humour column. Whatever I say, everybody will just assume it's some silly schtick."

DEEP DISH: "Sorry, Charlie. Confidentiality agreements are sacrosanct. My lips are sealed."

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "I hear ya. But the confidentiality agreement is with Burke. You're admitting that much, right?"

DEEP DISH: "Who said anything about Burke? 'You know who' could be anyone."

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "Given the timing, it was implied I was referring to Burke."

DEEP DISH: "Implied by you, maybe. Not by me."

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "OK, so you're saying the Leafs entered into a confidentiality agreement with SOMEONE. Is that much correct?"

DEEP DISH: "I told you, my hands are tied by the confidentiality agreement."

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "That doesn't sound like much of a confidentiality agreement to me. Doesn't you telling me you have a confidentiality agreement violate said confidentiality agreement?"

DEEP DISH: "How can you make that assumption without knowing what's in the confidentiality agreement?"

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "Common sense. What's the point of having a confidentiality agreement with someone, if you're gonna blab to the world that you're talking to them?"

DEEP DISH: "Who says we're talking to anybody?"

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "So the Leafs aren't talking to anyone, then?"

DEEP DISH: "I'm not saying we are and I'm not saying we aren't. Quit trying to put words in my mouth. A confidentiality agreement can take many forms. You could have a confidentiality agreement with somebody you're talking to, you could have a confidentiality agreement with someone you're not talking to and you could have a confidentiality agreement with somebody you're neither talking to or not talking to. That's the beauty of a confidentiality agreement. There doesn't have to be a purpose at all. All that counts is that matters are kept strictly confidential."

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "Huh? Could you repeat that?"

DEEP DISH: "Absolutely not."

SHERLOCK WAYNE: "Because of its highly confidential nature, right?"

DEEP DISH: "Nope. Because I have no idea what the heck I just said."