In July, as she readied herself to ride in the Caribana Parade on behalf of victims of violence, Scarborough mother Moonie Ali spoke of the stress of following the criminal cases of her son's killers.
At the time, she was bracing for an upcoming court date, during which a young offender convicted of killing her son Terrence would plead for early release from prison.
Her nightmare came true Thursday, Nov. 20.
Ali sobbed when a judge allowed the young man to serve the rest of his sentence in the community under the supervision of his father, stepmother and uncle.
"For me, it was not only a bad day, it is a bad life," she said Friday.
"I'm not only reliving it, I feel numb, I feel hopeless, I feel helpless, I feel everything negative. I feel nothing positive. I don't know how I reached home (Thursday), how I drove myself home, how I drove from the Scarborough court to home in Brampton."
Now 23, the man cannot be identified under the Youth Criminal Justice Act because he was 17 when he and two adults beat 15-year-old Terrence to death.
Terrence was attending Caribana celebrations in 2003 when he was murdered, his body found on the shores of Lake Ontario near Scarborough's Rouge Hill GO station.
The young offender pleaded guilty to first-degree murder. He served most of his sentence at Sprucedale Youth Centre in Simcoe and an adult prison in Brampton.
Meanwhile, Jason Habibullah pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and Raymond Mackhan pleaded guilty to manslaughter.
Justice Russell Otter noted the young offender has been taking online courses from Athabasca University and earned an 82 per cent on his mid-term exam. The judge suggested the man continue his studies and work with his father.
Ali is heartbroken by the judge's decision.
"With all the facts presented to the judge, I can't believe he made a decision like that," she said, adding she believes judges would take victims' feelings into account more if they were elected rather than appointed.
"I don't believe it is a justice system. It is a legal system yet to be turned into a justice system. With sending out a decision like that, it music to the criminals' ears. It is not a good message to young people."
Ali has been a tireless crusader in seeking justice for her son and for other victims of violence.
She drove the Toronto Crime Stoppers car in this year's Caribana parade, a particularly difficult time of year for her as that is the weekend Terrence was beaten to death.
Every year since his death, she has organized a pubic memorial to honour Terrence.
Last year, the provincial government presented her with an inaugural Victim Services Award of Distinction.