But Seriously

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In case you missed the glitzy press conference, December is Procrastination Awareness Month.

Don't feel too bad if you did miss it. Nobody else was on hand either.

You see, there wasn't one. The powers that be never got around to arranging it. And for a very good reason. There are no powers that be in the procrastination movement. Nobody has ever gotten around to electing any.

Anyhow, as it turns out, the official slogan for the month is the excuse procrastinators trot out every December when you try to get a hold of them: "Things Are Kinda Chaotic Right Now, What With Christmas And All, So Let's Try And Touch Base In The New Year."

As excuses go, this one is in a class of its own. With one simple sentence, a procrastinator can wipe out an entire month of potential commitments.

Let's break it down one element at a time to examine its brilliance.

Part 1: "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with Christmas and all."

How the heck Christmas makes things chaotic effective Dec. 1 is anybody's guess, but it is delivered by a procrastinator with such sincerity that the procrastinatee always falls for it hook, line and sinker.

Part 2: "Let's try and touch base." This part is priceless. "Touching base" is a flimsy proposal to talk another time, during which you MIGHT set up an actual meeting. The fact someone is only "trying" to touch base, should send up a rather large flare, yet the procrastinatee always swallows this, too.

Part 3: The icing on the cake. The time frame when the alleged tete-a-tete will take place, the "New Year." And just when does the New Year begin, pray tell? Not January, apparently.

Call a procrastinator in January and he'll hit you with: "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with Christmas and all just finished, let's try and touch base a little later in the New Year."

February, perhaps? Uh, uh. "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with the kids coming home for Reading Week."

So, March then, right? Nope. "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with the Easter Break."

April? "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with tax season upon us."

May? "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with the kids coming home from university."

June? "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with the younger kids finishing school."

July/August? "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with everybody up at the cottage on the weekends."

September, right? Sorry. "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with everybody back to school."

I know, October. Guess again. "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with Thanksgiving AND Halloween."

So by process of elimination, it has to be November? Actually, no. "Things are kinda chaotic right now, what with working on office budgets for next year."

Which brings us back to December again right where we started and the launch of yet another Procrastination Awareness Month. So to kick things off in style, why not do your part and take a procrastinator to lunch. Not today, of course. As you might expect, things are kinda chaotic right now, what with Christmas and all. But try and touch base in the New Year.

Just try.

You can reach Jamie at jamie.wayne@sympatico.ca