Beach(es) Beat

Print

E-mail

Text

When I grow up, an achievement which The Wife is apparently convinced will never happen, I want to be a Crock.

I know that in the hearts and minds of some of you this would not be a goal they personally would aspire to and I understand the sentiment.

The word crock has fallen upon hard times and nowadays the worst insult you could give a person would be to refer to him as an old crock. I use the pronoun him deliberately because for some reason womenfolk are never referred to as old crocks. That is probably because men accept the term whereas if it was applied to a woman she would be deeply offended. In the case of Sturdy Gert McCurdy if a fellow called her an old crock, she would deliver unto him a good clout and that would be the end of that, let me tell you.

Not too long ago the word was viewed in a much kinder light. The family car was affectionately called the old crock and then there was my grandfather's eider crock which he kept in his cellar. On those occasions when he was pleased with me I could have a sip which I loved except that for some reason it made me yodel at which point my mother would tell me to come out of the cellar right now.

So, for better or for worse, the word was viewed quite differently in those day and I want to in some way restore it to the high regard in which it once was held.

My idea is to rent a store on Queen Street and use it was an office where I could dispense wisdom and advice to those in need. It would be called The Old Crock's and on those days when I was holding office a sign on the street door would announce that The Old Crock was in. I would give calming advice to broken-hearted Maple Leafs fans telling them to just wait until next year whereupon they would shout 'It's been that way since 1967!' and flounce out without paying their bill. Well, OK, maybe I wouldn't try answering that one but there are issues of lesser importance that bedevil Toronto residents and perhaps I could stick to those.

Just remember that when things look their worst and you have no one else to turn to The Old Crock will always be in.

Thank you