Teen Beat

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Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Ah, the revitalizing scent of high school.

It is here, during our stay in this particular seat of learning, when students experience the most meaningful years of their lives. To me, this period marks the end of childhood, when we spent the majority of our days frolicking in the meadows, airborne with invisible wings, without a care in the world.

When I first set foot in high school this fall, I discovered it offered a completely new outlook on life. This new view was frightfully panoramic, with one-on-one teacher-student interaction scarce. I personally hail from a relatively small junior high, a place where the walls had built-in eyes, teachers were overtly fastidious, clubs and councils were limited to those who qualified, and students confided in their little cadres, forged from years of innocent camaraderie. It would seem only logical for these characteristics to persist for another three years, right?

Boy, was I ever deluded.

As part of my guide to freshman survival, I shall walk the reader through some first-hand tactical problems I've encountered and offer some, hopefully, positive advice, so these mistakes will not be repeated by future generations.

Let us proceed, shall we?

Destination No. 1: Mathematics.

Looking around, I realized with faint displeasure there was not a single familiar face in this classroom. Thus I gingerly sat down next to the nearest student sporting a sensible haircut and waited for the teacher to emerge.

When he arrived, teaching material held securely in his arms, he dramatically withdrew his package of assorted chalk sticks. Wait a minute. Assorted chalk sticks? Oh no, the fastidiousness is back.

"Yo, can I borrow some paper?"

Who said that? Oh, it's Sensible Haircut Kid. I thought you would be more prepared. But of course you can have a piece of paper.

Scribble, scribble. Erase, erase. Note taking is hard stuff without any written references. Whatever happened to the good ol' days when photocopied key terms were the norm?

"... And this is how you solve your basic parabola. Questions?"

The teacher retreats calmly to his chair! "You ask questions for yourself, you learn for yourself," said the teacher.

Lessons learned:

1) Always ask your teacher (intelligent) questions. Seriously, people, I cannot stress this enough. Teachers are not mystical psychics who can peer into your frontal lobe and see your intentions. They have too many students to keep track of. They will not help you without your asking them to.

2) Note-taking classes are the latest fad.

3) Sensible haircuts can be deceiving.

'Tis lunch time! Go down the crowded halls and make your way into the cafeteria. (Now available with 30 per cent more eating space, 50 per cent more screaming kids, 60 per cent less burly principals patrolling the premises and 90 per cent more difficulty finding your friends.) Some suggested equipment to aid you: GPS system, smile on face, pointy stick to allow better maneuvering.

Now it was time to get back to work. English class? This should be a blast. Wait, hold up. Reading book? What is this alien phrase of which you speak?

Ooo, I have physical education next; it's a good time to release those escalating stress levels! But what's this? Moderate exercise is no longer hip? Running an impossible number of laps around your school's football fields is the newest sensation sweeping North America!

Lessons learned:

1) A reading book is now your best friend. Treat it like a fifth limb.

2) If you are one who slacked off during the summer holidays, find a jock buddy and strap him/her around your waist while running laps. This way, when you get tired and faint, he/she will eventually feel bad for your fainting and/or being dragged, and will resort to carrying you.

3) Exercise, eat breakfast and get a good night's rest. When your jock buddy leaves you after being drafted to play football, you'll have something to fall back on.

And there you have it: your handy guide to some of the possible hazards that might befall you in secondary school. Follow it by heart. Write it on your hand in permanent marker. Tattoo it on your forehead. Hmm... is that all? Oh, and good luck.

 

Millie Ho is a Grade 10 student in high school in North York, who spends her free days painting, composing orchestra music and writing expressive poetry. She was recently named the vice-president of her school's art council.